Becoming Civilized

By: Ian Abreu

Posted: 2/15/07

Back in November, I wrote about how my mother will always be the only true woman in my life. Now, as I sit here in February writing this column, I can proudly say that my theory has changed. After following my now girlfriend around (boy it feels good saying that) for months upon months, she finally agreed to give me a shot. Before dating her, I had been single for over a year so it's safe to assume that my "guy" tendencies were at an all time high. Hey, when you're a single guy living alone for over a year, what do you expect? Here are some examples how I was, but anymore, an "un-civilized" man in the 21st century.

First of all, my girlfriend informed me that my apartment was missing the "basic" necessities that one needs in order to live a healthy, clean life. I was scolded that not having bagladys, oven mitts, garbage bags, a bath mat, and a teakettle were things that (after living comfortably a year without them) I suddenly needed.

The best one yet was when she skulking around my bathroom one evening and noticed that I did not have a "poof." Now, for those who are unaware, a "poof" is a sponge-like material that is soft, attached to a string and it is used to lather soap so, in turn, you can wash your body. Interesting stuff, huh?

After brushing all of these suggestions off with "yeah, yeah, ok I'll get it," my girlfriend, knowing that I am a true guy and would probably not do so, went out and spent over 70 dollars on these "necessities" for my apartment. Bless her soul, seriously; because I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. I had the misconception that this girl would forget about all of these "imperfections." But again, I must realize, she IS a girl and she will have her way. Sadly, I like it. I like having someone help in the development of my apartment, but, more importantly, I just appreciate her in my life.

The funny thing here is that now that I have these goodies in my house, I actually like and use them! Isn't that weird? I get by for a whole year without them, a new girl comes into my life, tells me I need them; and I suddenly answer the call and take advantage of these lovely items which were bought for me.

You see, unlike most guys, I am open for change; I am open for experiencing new ideas. I look forward to a promising future with this girl; she's pretty, funny, smart, and has a great heart. I believe those are all the intangibles one seeks in looking for a counterpart.

Sure, it would be a fair assessment if you were to say that my apartment is a little less "guyish." The "feminization" of my casa certainly makes her happy, and, in turn, makes me happy. The jaded, bitchy columnist has officially retired...possibly. The glass is now half full and all of that jargon.

Am I Whipped? No sir! Smart!