One in three: Why is no one talking?

This is in response to an editorial in this week's paper entitled, "Men are not the Issue." First I would like to say that I'm glad this topic is being discussed like this. It is this type of conversation that I felt was lacking. As the creator of the bulletin board in question, I would like to point out some discrepancies in the article. To orient you if you did not read the article, I made a bulletin board pointing out some everyday phrases or lyrics that objectify women, and showed some ways language like that affects our environment, our culture, and ultimately, has led to way too many deaths among female victims. Last week's editorial by Maria Alonso states that "the way women are portrayed in the media, it's their own fault," "It's their (women's) fault that women are treated that way, because our own gender let themselves be subjected to it," and "I have no problem with men objectifying women in songs and music videos." First, no where on the bulletin board did I blame men. In fact, many of my music lyrics were from female artists such as Lil Kim and the Pussycat Dolls. I also called out to women to stop "egging" this behavior on by pretending to like it, and especially to stop tearing each other down with gossip. There's a reason every single high schooler in America has self doubt- we criticize, make fun of, and gossip about each other like that's what we were put here to do! So my bulletin board was in no way man-bashing, as the title of the editorial implies.

Not only was I blaming both genders, but the point of the whole thing was to call attention to the things we say and hear everyday. Why are we letting men hoot and holler at us on the street, and we strut our stuff like their behavior is acceptable? Why is no one talking about the fact that more and more music lyrics contain phrases that objectify women or even suggest violence against women? I don't care if they're "kidding," it's creating an environment where it's okay to say these things.

For anyone who attended Judy Shepard's talk last week, Matthew Shepard's killers learned to hate- somewhere at school or home or work, they learned that it was okay to hate. Well, there is a crazy statistic that I have only heard two organization's use so far: The Student Leadership Training Program (www.sltp.info) last week at a conference called the InterLead which tackled the subject of violence against women, and Deana's Fund (www.deanasfund.org) which develops educational theater to raise awareness about violence against women. The statistic says "One in three high school and college students experience violence in an intimate relationship (Women's Health Issues, 1994)." ONE IN THREE!? Why are only two organizations talking about this statistic?

I agree, Maria, that boys can be victims as well. And it may be even more difficult for them because there is more pressure to "be a man" and to talk about this violence would be to show weakness. But I am blown away by the one in three statistic, and I chose to focus my bulletin board on women as the real victim. These boys have to be learning that this is okay from somewhere. I do not blame women, I do not blame men, I do not blame music- I blame all of us combined because we are all letting this happen and not saying anything. No one wants to take responsibility, and it is exactly that attitude, which seems so popular, that is making this objectifying of women something we should just let slide. You say you'd "rather be treated like one of the guys than like a girl who you need to censor yourself around." Well I am proud say, that people should be careful what they say around me, because I won't tolerate the objectification of women. If we don't stand up for ourselves, no one will. They shouldn't be careful in fear that I will judge them or jump down their throats, because I won't. They should be cautious because I'll tell them all of the reasons why saying that is hurting our women. There were an estimated 4,000 incidents of rape or other types of sexual assault in public schools across the country during the 1996-1997 school year (U.S. Department of Education). Four women are murdered by their male partners each day (FBI, 1997). About 3 percent of college women experience a completed and/or attempted rape during a typical college year (National College Women Sexual Victimization Study, 2001). Do I need to go on? These statistics are outrageous, and these men are learning it somewhere.

Again, I am not blaming it on music lyrics or saying we should censor music. But I don't understand why no one is talking about it? How is it that Eminem has been nominated for 21 Grammys and has won 9 when he raps about "choking whores" and raping his mom? I am merely pointing out the things that come out of our mouths everyday and suggesting that maybe this is why women spend so much time in front of the mirror or tugging on their clothes. They know they are being "checked out" all the time. Maybe this is where men are learning it is okay to treat a women like an object.

I am asking that we realize the consequence our words have. Just as Judy Shepard explained how words of hate like "fag" or "homo" ultimately caused the violence which killed her son, I am asking that we take a look at words like "slut" and "bitch" that could ultimately lead to the violence against women.

I am so blown away that Maria says she has no problem with men objectifying women in songs and music videos, when she earlier stated, "I understand objectifying women is wrong." And she says that if we don't like it, then we should do something about it, but then later says you can't change the world. Well, of course you can't change anything if you ignore it, or if you write articles claiming there's nothing wrong with objectifying women. I urge anyone who thinks that way to ask the 33% who have been violently abused if there's anything wrong with it. Eleanor Roosevelt's quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," was used to say we should not let these lyrics affect us. Should we not let the 4,000 rapes per year or the 4 murdered women a day affect us either? I'm letting it affect me, not by feeling bad about myself, but by being empowered to putting a stop to this kind of environment. And you are right Maria, to change the world you need to start from the bottom and work your way up. Thank you for recognizing how my bulletin board came to be.

-Megan Dobro, junior