Gabe Kapler Opens Discussion About Domestic Violence Issues

Former Red Sox outfielder and fan favorite Gabe Kapler used his playing experience with the Sox to relate domestic violence with inner strength. A crowd of 550 sports fans and Kapler adorers attended the lecture on Thursday, September 13, in the RCC auditorium and asked questions about domestic abuse and baseball.

Kapler credits the Red Sox organization for giving him a platform to speak to audiences about what he feels is an important issue. "The Red Sox brand is the biggest asset for me," Kapler said. "I have the ability to reach a national audience. The Red Sox name gives me the ability to reach people and I'm using the brand to raise awareness for domestic violence."

Kapler's life has been affected by domestic violence since he met his wife in high school. Lisa Kapler was abused by her boyfriend for the three years prior to meeting Gabe.

Lisa was emotionally and physically abused by her boyfriend who "beat her up like she was a man," Kapler said. "When she tried to fight back, the beatings got worse."

Kapler then silenced the crowd when he described an instance where Lisa's boyfriend put a gun to her head and asked her if she was ready to die.

"To this day Lisa deals with the aftermath of this abuse," Kapler said. "Our relationship is affected by it constantly."

Kapler emphasized the importance of communication and avoiding physical confrontation in a relationship.

Kapler used an on field confrontation during the 2004 Red Sox season, in where Jason Varitek and Alex Rodriguez fought, to relate to violence.

"A physical confrontation on the field, sometimes, is unavoidable. There's a time in our existence when physical confrontations, we just can't avoid them. A domestic violence physical confrontation is always avoidable. There's never a time when you can allow that water level to spill over."

Kapler used a "water in a glass" analogy to relate to domestic violence. He said when a person gets upset, that person can't let the water spill over the glass and erupt to physical violence.

Presenting a strong male role model is something Kapler realized he had to do when he came to Boston and faced tough media scrutiny. But Gabe explained what he feels a strong man is. "I believe that it displays a lot of weakness to allow that person to take over, that's going to hit a woman."

Kapler said that he feels it is more difficult to connect with the guys than to connect with women. "This is a man's issue just as much, if not more, than a woman's issue," Kapler said. "I don't think that guys recognize how weak that is to hit a woman."

Real strength, Kapler said, is talking to his wife about his feelings, smothering his kids with affection, and hugging his teammates and telling them if he loves them.

"One of my favorite stories is when Tek (Varitek) told me he loved me," Kapler said. "When that happens, that moment is so incredibly powerful. And guys, that is not weak."

Kapler said the only way to end the domestic violence cycle is to talk about it as a community. The Gabe Kapler Foundation began in 2004 to educate and assist women with domestic violence issues. The foundation operates two shelters in southern California to help victims of domestic abuse by giving women an opportunity to get a job while their children are taken care of.

"We give women a chance to get their lives back and to get back on their feet," Kapler said.

The foundation was overwhelming for Kapler at first, as it consisted of his wife, mother and sister-in-law. But it has slowed down for him since. He now can spend time speaking about domestic abuse and meeting fans.

"This issue is something we'll never be able to conquer," Kapler said. "But I hope to slow it down. There will always be some idiot who is out there beating up his wife."

Once Kapler finished his lecture, the audience was given the opportunity to discuss domestic violence but a majority of the questions were baseball related.

"I'm glad he was man enough to come out and speak about domestic violence," junior Jackie Dixon said. "This shows how much of a team player he really is."

"I think it's good that he stepped up in the field and outside of the field," said sophomore Susan Bedrossian. "In any situation he's there for people."

Kapler ended the evening by signing autographs and posing for pictures. Though he agreed to stay until 9:15, according to Matt Miller, the assistant director of OSIL, Kapler stayed past 10 p.m. to sign autographs for everyone.