Pop culture invasion

Just over a week ago, nobody on the face of the planet knew who Stephen Curry was. Now, everyone and their grandmother not only knows how to pronounce his name (Stef-on), but can also tell you his entire family history, blood type, shoe size and favorite Ninja Turtle. This is just one of the great things about the most polarizing sports month of the year: Prying into the personalities and private lives of otherwise ordinary college students who happen to play basketball.

Indeed, no event even comes close in the sporting world to March Madness in terms of pop culture invasion. We all fill out the brackets, watch the seemingly never ending supply of games on TV, then rip up out papers when some "other" 12 seed takes out a 5. So why's the NCAA Tournament so damned great for this country? Well, let me count the ways.

Different People. Different Strategies: Personally, I pick my brackets based on the quality, experience and overall talent of the head coach as well as how decent that team's inside presence is. However, I know one person who has assembled a bracket based on who wears the prettiest jerseys. Needless to say, he has Bill Self's Kansas team going farther than me. Everyone knows the Guy Who Doesn't Pick Upsets or the Guy Who Picks Like a Madman, and the same goes for the Guy Who Picks Schools Friends Went To and the Guy Who Picks The School That Could Double As a Porn Name. For the record, he has Austin Peay winning it all.

Degrees in "Bracketology:" And you thought Mel Kiper Jr. was getting paid boatloads of money to do nothing. For weeks leading up to Selection Sunday, ESPN viewers can get their brains melted by resident "Bracketologist" Joe Linardi who details those teams pining to get off the bubble and into the tourney. He works three weeks a year, makes educated guesses, and wears a fancy suit. In other words, he's a politician.

Bob Knight, Meet the Press: Raise your hand if you had The General ever sitting peacefully with the media. Anybody? Didn't think so. In one month, the all time men's hoops wins leader went from Abrasive, Crazy Old Man to Abrasive, Crazy Old Man With a Microphone. He's absolutely fantastic. The Coach slouches in his seat, has uncomfortable exchanges with hosts, and says horribly backhanded things to Dick Vitale. Plus, he's the single most important reason people got on the Joe Alexander/West Virginia bandwagon. Pray the man never goes back to coaching.

Upset City: There are two kinds of upsets in the tournament, Enjoyable and Paper Ripping. A paper ripper was Western Kentucky taking out Drake in the first round, Siena doing the same to Vandy, or any other emotionless loss that just messes up your Sweet 16. The Enjoyable Upsets are so much more fun. Watching the seven-foot giants at UCONN getting rained on by San Diego (staying classy, of course). But the best was seeing Duke get exposed yet again by a team with players taller than 5'10" for the second year in a row. A little off topic here, but doesn't Coach K remind you of Ben Linus from "Lost?" The way he talks, the way he looks down his nose to talk: he scares me.

Women Are From Venus.: There may not be a more fulfilling experience than watching a men's college game, then a women's and spotting the differences.

Aside from the obvious differences (dunks, showboating, high scores, sports bras), the most entertaining may be how male analysts describe female players. Take for example Oklahoma All American Courtney Paris, who is 240 pounds of bruising center. How does a dude properly point out how exactly she gets a double-double every night without sounding like a sexist pig? They can't and usually just end up being awkwardly silent.

The Great White Hype: March is the time when ordinary college players become legends in name alone, via inordinate amounts of hype and glory. When I'm 90, lying on my deathbed, I'll still remember what being "Pittsnoggled" meant. Mike Conley Jr. and Ronnie Brewer got the same treatment last year, even overshadowing their more famous teammates Greg Oden and Joakim Noah respectively. This year, it's UNC's Tyler Hansbrough. He's a gangly, crazy looking white guy that throws his body around like he's going to be on a YouTube compilation of people getting hurt, who also happens to be pretty talented. Think Tim Duncan, if he played with two eye patches on while taking speed. The media loves him more than any player since, well, J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison. The moral of the story as always: If you want to be talented and popular playing college ball, try to be as white as humanly possible.

The Three Point Line: Most colleges that wind up making the Big Dance don't exactly obsess about team defense. What they do study is the art of the college three, which is five feet closer than in the NBA. Every single game comes down to controlling the rebounds and making three pointers. In other words, don't miss jump shots and, when the other team does, make sure you can rebound the misses and turn those into your own jump shots. Some people hate where the line is, because it's eliminating the art of "The Big Man" and causing teams to just run an entire offense through jump shooters. And the problem with that is what? Teaching kids that shooting is as important as being able to turn around and dunk is wrong? NBA execs might despise the college line, but for the rest of the country, it's easily the best and most exciting part of the game.